Let’s Bring Sexy Back | Austin Boudoir Photography
It’s very easy to fall into the rote, mundane life day-to-day and to forget about your sex life…especially as we age, and for sure if we have kids — I’ve found from personal experience. But even without kids, we are crazy busy boss ladies! By the end of the day it’s hard to imagine being intimate when the idea of your pillow under your head and your soft sheets come to mind…then maybe add to that the feeling of loss of “connection” with your partner. I get it! It’s a recipe for disaster.
Putting in some time & effort truly does so much good! Here are some sure fire way to spice up your sex life and to…bring sexy back!!
Changing things up and doing something different on date night is really fun & exciting. My hubby and I always love dinner & a movie at The Alamo Drafthouse, but it’s really good to mix things up every once in a while. The Drafthouse really is our old standby, but on occasion we’ve really enjoyed going to see improv comedy at The Hideout Theater, in downtown Austin. We’ve also enjoyed taking a painting class together at Painting With A Twist.
We haven’t done the “The Penny Date” yet, but it sounds really fun! I think we will do that on our next night out.
BedPost Confessions in ATX
Speaking of adventurous dates, my hubby and I went to a Bedpost Confessions show last year and immediately fell in love with it! I’ve gone to every show since. I’ll be at the show next week, July 19th — Come say Hello, or sit next to me!
This is what Bedpost Confessions is all about:
Sex: (almost) everybody does it and (almost) nobody talks about it—except at BedPost Confessions, a live storytelling show. Stories told at BedPost Confessions explore themes of sexuality, gender identity, dating, marriage, masturbation, break-ups, health, and more. Whether the performers are funny, informative, fictional, thoughtful, embarrassing, raunchy, heart-warming, political, or completely personal, the audience receives their stories with love and returns the favor by sharing their own. In fact, the anonymous confessions submitted by the audience and read aloud by the producers are the real star of every show. We aim for each Bedpost Confessions to either spark a fantasy or start a conversation. Maybe even both.
That “Mom Life” Tho
My friend, and now past client, Mandi Chase Wolfe, interprets for the BedPost Confessions show. She actually wrote and performed a piece at a past Bedpost Confessions show, titled “Mom Life”. Here are some great excerpts from her piece…
“I used to surprise my husband with sexy lingerie. It was “OOooooOOooh, nice panties!” Now the slinky outfits have lost their allure and, let’s face it, things don’t fit like they used to. Sexy surprises evolved over time to more practical surprises like “OOooooOOOooh, you shaved your legs!!” Now it’s gotten to, like, “OOOooOOOOooh, no socks tonight! WOO!” (yes, that has actually been said in my bedroom). We’ve become accustomed to foreplay in sweatpants and that’s OK.
The thing is, kids suck the energy from your entire being. I don’t mean I-just-worked-a-double-and-got-hammered-last-night-tired, I mean, I-can’t-even-make-plans-for-next-week-because-I’m-already-too-tired kind of tired. Like, when I go to bed at night I’m already planning my nap for the next day. Like, when we have a romantic night of whiskey, billiards and hot sex planned (that’s MY idea of a romantic night) but kind of really just want to sleep instead. Because parenting is one of the permanent things in life. A full time, never ending job, even if you’re just trying to pee.
Touch is our primary love language, so we’ve always worked pretty hard to keep our physical relationship in-tact. Don’t misunderstand, we can function without sex, it’s the closeness that is important. When we haven’t been physically close for a while you can feel the tension build and things get… snippy. That release of oxytocin and serotonin helps us unwind and reset our emotional state together, not to mention gives us better sleep, stronger immune systems, improves our blood pressure. There are so many legitimate reasons to make sex a priority. Lots of parents still regularly forego sex for sleep but my husband and I intentionally address the question daily, you know, for health purposes. It’s like part of our bedtime routine. Wash your face, brush your teeth, set the alarm, check with partner, sex tonight?
No? Cool, I’m kind of tired anyway.
We sacrifice rest and sanity for connection and release more often than not, depending on the time of the month and what is happening in our lives. Our sex life seems weak compared to marathon weekends of yore, but among my parent friends we are heroes.”
A Love Notebook
My husband and I did something a little while ago to help keep our “love fire alive”. We each sat down and wrote out a few lists in a brand new, pretty notebook to share with each other. The first page was titled “Things That Make Me Feel Loved”. The next page was “The Perfect Relationship”. And last page was “The Perfect Date”. All very good, important things to know about each other. It was enlightening, to say the least.
One of the most important things I found out about Neil and the way I was loving him was that I was showing love in the way that I needed it. For example, I would LOVE it if Neil randomly snail-mailed me a little love note. Well, I do that for him quite often. And he was doing the same kinds of things… We were basically missing each other’s displays of affection a lot of the time.
Something as simple as a notebook, a pen and an hour of your time can make the BIGGEST difference.
Remember to flirt & be silly….also QUICKIES!
It seems so simple, but remembering to flirt with each other and to be lighthearted can make a world of difference. Try your hardest to think back to the “good old days”, when you used to get butterflies in your stomach every time you were about to see your partner… I know it’s hard, but try to look past the sink full of dishes, or the unmade bed, or the piles of messy kids toys on every square inch of the living room. HA! Remember: cleaning can wait.
I’ve had a lot of friends mention that they take lots of advantage of nap time to have a quickie. Middle of the day quickies can really be quite thrilling! Just be open to it when the opportunity comes along.
Companionship & trust
Be friends! Even better, be besties! Find something you have in common and capitalize on that.
I met my husband when I was in 9th grade, and he was in 11th. We became musician buddies — he wrote music and I sang. We were just friends for a couple of years before we officially became boyfriend & girlfriend. Luckily, we have that foundation of friendship…but even if we didn’t, I know how important it is to create that as much as possible.
Trust is a big part of friendship between lovers. A friend of mine offered these words of advice when I asked her what keeps her sex life alive:
“Having a relationship where trust is completely and utterly 110% there makes sex come more easily. In past relationships where I wasn’t myself, I didn’t trust and feel safe, sex felt forced. Now it’s so comfortable and natural and satisfying.”
The Art of Seduction: Being fully satisfied & taken care of
That same friend offered this sage wisdom:
“The other thing too is being with a partner who understands what I need to orgasm and is willing to make it happen every single time. When we were first together I was on the pill and it took me almost half an hour to orgasm, but he did it. Now it comes (Hehe…Pun time) so easily I often have to hold off to last as long as him.“
I’m extremely lucky to have a similar partner. He would honestly much rather I be taken care of than he, if we had to choose.
I went to dinner last night with our new addition to our wardrobe styling team, Meggie — there will be a welcome blog for her soon so keep an eye out! We talked about a lot, but mostly sex…which makes sense really. She pointed out to me that the men she’s met and dated have had NO IDEA what to do with her body. Like, they literally don’t even try. One guy didn’t even know how to kiss her. Crazy! That is very scary stuff.
Is romance on the verge of dying??!!!
Let’s make it our mission to KEEP IT ALIVE, at all costs. Let’s teach our sons & daughters to love, fully, unconditionally and selflessly.
The 5 Love Languages
My hubby and I also took the 5 Love Languages test and found out that we speak very different love languages. Take the test yourself. It’s FREE! Just click HERE.
It helped us so much because we realized we were completely missing each other when showing our love. No wonder we weren’t “feeling the love”! This test was huge for us. Go take it now.
Dr. Jen Berman
About 5 years ago I ordered a Dr. Jen Berman DVD from Amazon called “Intimacy Rx: Improving Your Sex Life”. It was so incredibly helpful. It’s still available on Amazon now, but looks to be a very rare find and is crazy expensive. (Here’s the link to buy the DVD on Amazon) I did, however, find out that they are available to rent from Netflix, if you have the DVD subscription. (Here’s the link to rent it on Netflix)
I still remember one thing from the video that really helped us. She recommended to have a set night on the calendar to have sex. She mentioned how being spontaneous is of course really fun and exciting, but realistically it’s not possible sometimes in relationships. So, say you decided on Tuesday nights… Dr. Berman pointed out how you will look forward to that day. You will know the morning of what is coming and will possible have an extra spring in your step. Maybe you’ll wear something sexier that day under your clothes. Maybe you’ll flirt a littel that morning with your partner, saying how excited you are to “see them” that night. Little things like that can really spark up your sex life.
You can find lots more info on Dr. Jen Berman HERE.
Of course, I feel like I would be doing a huge disservice if I didn’t at least mention getting a boudoir shoot done. When it comes down to it, it’s truly SO MUCH MORE THAN JUST THE PHOTOS. I’m sure that seems really silly to say, but it’s really mostly about the experience of doing a boudoir session.
There’s something so incredibly special and intense and life changing about being in a room of women who are solely there FOR YOU. We are there to support and lift you up 100% of the time with us. It’s a judgement-free zone full of love, laughter & growth. It’s really too hard to explain in words…..you really do just have to experience it!
I had a recent gallery reveal with a lovely client that walked into my living room, sat on my couch and cried explaining how much her entire life had changed in the 2 weeks after her session. *She hadn’t even see her photos yet!*. Seriously! She went from covering up her entire body 24/7, to wearing a bikini and spending her every spare moment out by the pool with her friends. Her session was a huge eye opener for her. She was wasting so much time worrying about her appearance, having anxiety about what people were thinking. She mentioned at her session, while in Lauren’s makeup chair, that she had taken a selfie that she really liked and it took her hours to finally hit the “post” button on it. She was so worried that she’d be perceived as vain or full of herself.
Finally, she now realizes that she is an amazing, strong, beautiful woman that can do, and wear, and thing she fucking wants!
Taking the first step to book your boudoir session is HUGE! I’ve found that we women, in our society, almost need permission to spend money on ourselves…to invest in ourselves. As a mom, I think we feel like we are not worthy of spending that kind of money on ourselves. But if our kiddo needed gear for their dance recital that cost the same amount, we wouldn’t question it. We’d do what we needed to do to make it happen. Why can’t we do that for ourselves every once in a while?
I am here to give you permission to indulge in yourself! You can do it!
And for some inspiration, here are a few of my favorite boudoir shots of myself. I vow to get at least one boudoir session done every year, forever, dammit!
Don’t forget that we offer couples boudoir as well. A couples boudoir session is a really great way to affirm and even deepen your relationship. It’s exciting to be vulnerable with your partner.
Here are a few examples of some couples I’ve worked with: