WARNING: This is emotional.

Today is Day Six of Alex Beadon’s “Feel Good Blogging Challenge”.  She asked us to write a vulnerable story about ourselves…  I realized that I already do this pretty often.  Ha!  I wrote about my miscarriage this past summer HERE, and then about being hospitalized HERE.

This is something way less tragic, but still something that really affected me.

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So, I was on a photo shoot in downtown Austin way back in April of this year. I was shooting some head-shots of one of my new (at the time) beautiful hair + make-up artist’s, Lauren Torres.  The shoot went swimmingly!  She’s a fabulous model!  🙂  Here are a couple of my faves from the session:

So, after the shoot I took Lauren to the AWESOME Magnolia Cafe, down on Congress, for dinner.  As I was putting my camera bag in the back seat of my car, in the parking lot, with my back turned, I hear “Hey fat bitch!” loudly being yelled in my direction.

Lauren immediately said “What?!”, exasperated & in shock.  I turned around and said “I’m sorry, what?!”

It was a homeless man, about 40yrs old maybe.  No teeth, dirty clothes…sad.  Lauren is up on the sidewalk.  He walks up closer to me.  He sees me, my face, looks into my eyes…  Pauses a beat, then he says “You have a problem with me?!”

(I am in shock)

I quietly say “No…”  I think I was in shock & kind of afraid of him?!  I mean, you never know who he could be, what he could have (weapons, etc…).

He then says “You have a dollar so I can get some food?”

(Now I’m really in shock.  Really?  Really?!!!)

I give him a “WTF” kind of face and just say “Uhhhhh…No, I don’t”.  He says “OK” and walks away.

It was so absolutely, horrifyingly humiliating.

You know…I had finally gotten myself to the point where I was (*sort of*) starting to accept myself, my body.  I had been preparing for my very own boudoir shoot just a few weeks away.  I had recently started wearing & enjoying make-up, trying to feel girly, like a woman, sexy…

Most of my life I’ve spent feeling very…hmm…boy-ish I think?  Not feminine, not girly.  Just kind of more like “one of the guys”.  Which is completely fine too!  I just was really starting to enjoy the girly-er things in life.  🙂

But in that moment?!

I felt embarrassed of myself.  Embarrassed that I dared to feel pretty.  I felt ashamed of my body.  Of my fat, and rolls.  Even more than I already had.  It totally knocked the wind out of my sails.

And the worst part?!  ———  It happened right in front of my new “employee”.  Just so humiliating…

Something that made me feel so much better about it all was how well Lauren handled it.  She was so kind and loving and supportive, in her own quiet way.  She muttered “Dickhead” as he walked away from me.  And honestly, that really made me feel better.  So simple.  So perfect!

I tried my best to put it behind me right away.  And I really did move on and mostly forgot about it pretty quickly.  He’s obviously mentally ill, sick.  And very, very sad.

It’s interesting, though.  When people say things, mean or nice, they really should realize how much it impacts the listener.  This is why it’s SO important to tell people how much you love them and to freely give compliments to people, even strangers, as you think of them.  Don’t hold back when it comes to building each other up!!  Who knows — you may say something at just the right time when someone really needed to hear it.

And with that, I LOVE YOU ALL!

In the words of my dear, dear friend Lord Frederick, “Don’t have to know ya to love ya”!

See you tomorrow for my very last installment of the 7 Day “Feel Good Blogging Challenge”!

Also see DAY ONE + DAY TWO + DAY THREE + DAY FOUR + DAY FIVE of this blogging challenge!

vulnerability exposed